Diary #7

While reading there is sometimes this one character who I understand most. Who, for me, is not just a character but a person who deserved better, more. I defense them when other readers blame them for something. That character no longer remains the part of just that book but my own imagination, I wonder what they must be feeling under that chapter, what they must have thought when certain character behaved that way. It is complicated to explain my relationship with them but I never thought that I will write something from one of such character’s point of view. Adrian from Vampire Academy, Katniss from The Hunger Games and Nesta from ACOTAR.

Let’s call it a diary entry as this is a first person account but who is that person. If you’re a reader and have been spending your time on bookstagram then you must have seen the name Sarah J Mass and the book A Court of Thorns and Roses or simply ACOTAR series. Well, from this series I picked Nesta, not an ideal choice but here we go. After reading A Court of Frost and Starlight I felt more close to Nesta and when did I write this thing I don’t remember but this definitely is that girl who have left the luxury of her sister’s beautiful home and lives in the slum of the most gorgeous city, who have stopped visiting any place except the bars. If you have read the series then you’ll understand this entry better, otherwise, enjoy as much as you can.

They all are trying to take me back in the world. Trying to show me that it can be good there, even with the monsters lurking in the shadows ready to pounce at me when I’d let my guard fall accidentally. No, they should understand that I cannot go back in there, not when I know the truth of those smiles they have plastered on their faces, not when I have seen darkness spreading in the presence of light, not when I have seen light working with darkness, not when I have seen people becoming monsters. They think I am crazy, they won’t say it but I know, I know from the look they give me, from the low voices they talk me with, as if the loud voices will scare me, but they are right. Loud voices scare me, each of mundane sound reminds me of something terrible, no matter how hard I try and the voices won’t leave me. So, I have shut the world out, I have put myself into pure silence; no voices, no memories.

But they won’t leave me alone. They think I need their help, that’s the last thing I want. Their help, they who have brought me into all this in the first place. Being noble and thinking they do the right thing, well how can I blame them for thinking high of themselves when everyone almost worships them all except for me. Does that make me bad? Does that mean that I am really going crazy? Does that mean I am really not stable and not worth of living in the society full of smiles and happiness? Then good for them that I have shut myself away from their good work. They should be thankful that I don’t interfere with their noble work but no they won’t leave me alone, they want me to be like them even if it means being not what I am. That’s what exactly they want: me not being myself. Let them try, let’s see what they can do.

Have you read ACOTAR? Or Throne of Glass series? Or any Sarah J Mass’s books?

More of me:
Instagram: @adeena_writes
Facebook: Adeena Syed
Goodreads: Adeena Syed
Twitter: @adeensd

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