“Do You Have A Scale For Fear?”

“Do you have a scale for fear?”, she asked after a long fifteen minutes of silence. He was, though, glad to hear her talking, also got confused with the question.

“What kind of fear?”, he asked after choosing his question carefully.

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“Any fear. The fear of self in this case.”,she was looking at the distant floor from her armchair and didn’t moved the eyes from there. He looked at her carefully without saying anything, waiting for her to continue and continue she did, “The fear you get of your own self that the self might hurt you because you are not good enough, because you’re not pretty and perfect as others want you to be and that the self might hurt you really badly in order to fix you. That the hate the self have for you is strong than the defense,” she was talking and her body was getting tensed, “that hate because you are pathetically and disgustingly different from the world and the self want to change it but to change it the self need fire which will help it burning the flaws. …that’s how the fear comes, fear of fire, the self is readying for you to burn your flaws. Then, the self can be making a plan of killing you to stop these flaw-full life but you don’t want to die. And there is this fear that your self might scratch your face because it’s ugly but it hurts and that’s why you get afraid, then it plans to cut off your fingers because they are not long and elegant and it will hurt too. And self, that monster”, she said,  her face, which till now was a blank sheet, turning into disgust mixed fear, “pull your hair to make them long and strong, pulls so hard that it seems that the whole scalp will come out with hairs. And you get more and more scared with every next try of the self that it starts to constantly be your biggest worries, no, not only worries but fear, becomes your greatest fears that the self might one day kill you or worse hurt you so bad that you won’t able to live.”, she paused a bit and then relaxing her back on the armchair, without looking at him, she asked again,”So? Do you have a scale for fear?”

He was grateful that she wasn’t looking at him because he didn’t wanted her to see how her counselor, himself was in shock.

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